It LITERALLY feels like a couple months ago since I was admitted into the hospital as my contractions climbed up the meter of pain. I sat on the edge of my bed gripping onto the changing table I had finished hacking as I felt the clinched of tightness all in my back down my spine to the very core of my gut. I fixated my concentration on my breathing while I starred at the vent by the ceiling fan trying to remember the hypo birth techniques I had just learnt a couple days ago. “This can’t be happening…is it?!” I thought.
Just an hour before I had been watching ‘Daddy’s Home’ as I bounced and rolled around on my exercise ball. Mid way through the movie I had a glass of castor oil and OJ. I was two days past my estimated due date and the thought of induction scared me to pieces. The frightening stories, friends of mine past experiences…I didn’t want to hit W41 and not be ready.
Well there I was 12 hours later in my hospital room praying for things to get better. I really wanted to experience birth naturally. With my doula by my side assisting me with my breathing, aromatherapy and holistic approaches I started to tell myself I should have just allowed my body to take its time/course to reach the appointed time as I laid on the hospital bed. Afraid, scared and anticipating the best to come out of all the pain I was feeling.
After 48 hours my labour pains did nothing – ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I don’t know if it was all the stress I was giving myself or feeling from others but it was no good.
Despite the epidural shots the sensations I felt down my spine made my nerves go nuts. I was not able to walk, move – NOTHING! I remember crying to DH saying what should I do and his response was just pray you can do this. So I did, I cried to the end asking for whatever that was good for me to happen.
Here I am 6 months later and the intense feelings, overwhelming emotions replay through my mind over & over again. I use to think what could I have done to make the experience better and I came up with nothing. As much as I wanted to experience birth naturally it was not what the Most High intended for me and I was fine with that.
The experience in itself was breathtaking and blissful. I could not ask for anything else – my child was healthy and I was doing well. I look back at all the moments and photographs and I’m in total awe with baby M’s growth, his alertness, how much he has changed in as little as 6 months. I use to be able to carry him on my shoulder as he’d crouch himself in my arms to sleep. Now I can’t even carry him with just one arm. His teeth are breaking through, he babbles like no tomorrow and ready to take adventures like an explorer himself. Praise and glorification belong to the Most Merciful.
Everyday is a new experience for them and for the parents. Each child has been designed and created to its own uniqueness…
I am humbly grateful for memories I have and pray to continue to create with baby M. He sure is growing but he is also allowing me to grow as a women and for that I am blessed.