After eight months of motherhood the real struggles of postpartum are starting to seep into my life. The emotional breakdowns, the unexpected heart racing, sleepless nights, fatigue days, racing thoughts of postpartum.
If you personally know me, you’d know its very hard for me not to give up on anything. I pull myself together, look for motivation and get what I need done at any means necessary. Well recently its been pretty tough trying to stay on task, staying motivated and productive which is mainly why I haven’t posted as much as I regularly do. I was aware that depression and suicidal thoughts were common emotions women felt but I did not know fatigue, irritability and insomnia were also common.
I go through some days with a burst of energy. 3 meals – prepared, cooked and served. Home cleaned and organized. Baby changed, bathed, fed, and put to sleep. Me – bathed and dressed. Feeling so accomplished, almost like superwoman. Then I also have days where all I want to do is lay in bed, within my thoughts, so deep in my mind almost like zoning out from all of reality. Its crazy how the two contradict each other in many ways.
RainThe guilt that comes over me after is horrible. I feel less of who I am due to expectations I put out on myself. I look at my son and cry telling myself he deserves much more. I sit under a cloud and allow the rain to pour down on me – but only for a moment cause mom and wife duties are calling.
Postpartum is so underrated and this is my conclusion as to why.
People find out you’re pregnant and baby is due soon. The showers of congrats, gifts and support overflow your home, your heart and make you feel humbly grateful. “Let us spoil you” some say, “better take advantage of the Royal treatment”, “you won’t be pregnant forever”. You’re now hours away from bringing your bundle of joy into the world and slowly your circle of support drastically changes, your circle of friends start to get smaller, your perception of life and values have moved swiftly to accommodate your child’s needs. So now baby is here and almost at the one year mark. You’ve been battling weight gain and loss cause we all know once baby is out it becomes a race to get your body back. Your breastfeeding journey has been remarkable (unfortunately some don’t even get to bond this way with their baby), your style of parenting has either brought you closer or has drifted you apart with others including loved ones and now you’re all in it alone – well that’s at least how you feel.
But you’re not alone, in fact other women who are moms are with you. Your family understand and are by your side and your baby will love you no matter. Its very important that after motherhood begins you continue to receive some sort of support to help you get through the hard days, a friend to talk to and spend a day with cause its much deserved and needed. Yes we are women, natural nurturers, superwomen, working moms and stay at home moms cause being a mom is a full time job but despite it all we are also human and we will fall when needed. We will slow down and cry and lose it and there’s nothing to be ashamed about because we will get through it only some of us need more than others to make it. So talk to one another, we as women have a huge support line and its each other, its about time we take advantage of that!